5 Ways To Feel Good About Putting Yourself First
Struggling with self-care guilt? You’re not alone. In the latest episode of How to Be a GrownUp, guest co-host Ariella Monti and I dive into the messy, guilt-ridden world of self-care for busy moms—and why so many of us know we need it but still can’t seem to make it happen.
This episode builds on our Spring Into Self-Care Series, where we’ve already covered everything from resetting your self-care routine to finding joy in hobbies. But here's the deal: none of that matters if guilt is holding you back. So, let’s fix that.
What You Get From This Episode
Redefine self-care: Learn why your current definition might be holding you back (and how to fix it).
Ditch achievement-based success: Stop tying your self-worth to outcomes and start celebrating the process.
Master the art of saying “no”: Discover why “no” is a complete sentence—and how to use it guilt-free.
Take back your time: Uncover hidden pockets of time you didn’t know you had.
Build a support system: Learn why accountability is key to making self-care stick.
Listen Here
Guilt-free self-care strategies for overwhelmed moms
We've spent the last 4 episodes answering self-care questions you may be wrestling with:
What is self-care?
How do I make time for self-care?
Why do I feel guilty about self-care?
How do I say "no" without feeling guilty?
What are some quick self-care tips?
"Self-care" is so complicated. We all know we need it, and we all know we aren't making enough time for it... for some of us, the term self-care feels cringy and commercialized... And then we feel bad about taking the time for self-care or feel bad for NOT taking time for self-care.
As a busy mom, I don't have time for guilt (despite it being one of my default emotions). And neither do you. That's why this entire episode and blog post is all about guilt-free self-care. Let's get into it.
1. Redefine Your Crappy Definition of Self-Care
If you feel guilty about self-care, your definition probably sucks. (No offense, but it’s true.) Forget spa days and expensive treats—self-care is about “the things you do for yourself that help you feel like yourself.”
Why does self-care exist? To help you be your best when life inevitably throws challenges your way—because it will—whether that’s a big work deadline or a kiddo who’s up sick all night. As I said in the episode, “It’s the preventative maintenance of your life—like how my Botox prevents my son from saying my forehead looks like a Wi-Fi symbol.”
2. Redefine Success (Because Achievement-Based Goals Are Exhausting)
When your self-worth is tied to outcomes—like how many books you sell or how many podcast downloads you get—it’s easy to feel like you don’t deserve self-care.
But here’s the thing: success isn’t just about achievement. It’s about celebrating the process, not just the result. Did you write a book? That’s a win. Did you go for a walk, even if your watch didn’t track it? That counts too.
Like I said, “If you’re obsessing over metrics, you’re missing the point.”
3. Say No Without Feeling Bad About It
Repeat after us: “No is a complete sentence.”
Saying no isn’t about rejecting people—it’s about upholding your priorities. When you say no to something, you’re saying yes to yourself and the people who matter most.
And if you’re worried about hurting someone’s feelings? You are not 13 anymore. You don't need to do anything special to make someone like you. Remember: “Doing something for someone doesn’t make them like you. They either like you or they don’t. The end.”
4. Take Back Your Time (Because It’s Yours)
Think you don’t have time for self-care? I challenge you to track your time for a week—and then tell me how it goes because I haven't done this one yet. How much time you spend doom-scrolling or doing non-urgent chores might surprise you.
As Ariella points out, “More time could mean five minutes or a half hour—it doesn’t have to be 4 or 5 hours or some huge amount of time.” Even small pockets of time can make a big difference.
5. Build a Support System (Because You Can’t Do It Alone)
Self-care isn’t a solo mission. Whether it’s a partner who takes the kids for an hour or a friend who holds you accountable, you need a support system to make it stick.
And if you’re a parent? Modeling self-care for your kids is one of the best things you can do. As I said over and over, “Your family needs you at your best—and that starts with taking care of yourself.”
Ready to Ditch the Guilt?
Self-care isn’t selfish—it’s necessary. By redefining self-care, reframing success, saying no, reclaiming your time, and building a support system, you can finally feel good about putting yourself first.
And don’t forget to subscribe to our email list for more tips, laughs, and self-care moments delivered straight to your inbox. Because let’s face it—you deserve it.
Make good choices,
Caitlin & Ariella
Sources for this episode
Who We Are
Caitlin Kindred (CK):
A former teacher, mom, and self-proclaimed “recovering overthinker,” Caitlin is on a mission to help moms navigate the chaos of adulthood with humor and practical advice. She’s passionate about making self-care and mindfulness accessible for everyone—especially busy moms.
Ariella Monti (Guest Co-Host):
A certified yoga instructor, published author, and mom, Ariella brings a wealth of knowledge about mindfulness and self-care. With a background in yoga and lots of time in therapy, she’s all about helping people find calm in the chaos—one deep breath (or mindful moment) at a time.
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